I Mainly Date Girls But Do Not Give Me A Call A Lesbian

We normally don’t proclaim my sex immediately upon satisfying new-people, but I know it is going to most likely show up eventually whenever we become buddies. I merely say that We have a girlfriend and leave it at this, but leading some individuals to
believe I’m a lesbian
, which bothers the hell from me personally because we never ever said I found myself and that I’d never pick that label for myself.

1. 
   I have got romantic feelings for folks who are not ladies.
   
   While we at this time only come across women attractive and only want to big date women, I’ve
   found guys appealing in past times
   . Have always been we sexually drawn to all of them? Not on most times, but intimate and sexual feelings you shouldn’t usually go hand-in-hand. Throughout my personal youth, i have broken on numerous girls and boys, but after online dating some dudes and doing some soul searching, i have found
   I prefer women
   . That however doesn’t eliminate my personal last, and sexuality may be material. Perhaps I am not keen on men now, but i would subordinate conditions or i may maybe not. I simply should not get fastened straight down because of the particulars of a “lesbian” label.
2. 
   Not all the ladies who have actually relationships/sex together with other ladies are lesbians.
   
   While I do not like becoming labeled as a lesbian, I
   
   am
   
   quite solely into females. Many women aren’t.
   Some women can be bisexual
   —surprise!—or pansexual or maybe just do not value sex after all. By using the phrase “lesbian” to describe any girl that’s currently with an other woman is generally incorrect. Whenever a term tends to be completely wrong oftentimes, I do not want to put it to use.
3. 
   I am not from the isle of Lesbos
   
   . For individuals who don’t know, there is certainly a genuine set in Greece known as isle of Lesbos and folks really live truth be told there. “Lesbian” makes reference to individuals or situations from that area. The term “lesbian” in an effort to consider homosexual women merely came into being for the reason that Sappho, whom notoriously had written love poetry about women. (Side notice: she additionally wrote poetry about enjoying guys as well, but she actually is the best symbolization of being a “lesbian.” Bisexual erasure a lot?) anyhow, individuals from the isle of Lesbos really do not like people
   calling homosexual females “lesbians
   .” There is a bit of homophobia with their campaigning resistant to the phase, nevertheless still need to admit it is fairly foolish to mention to homosexual females as “from this package Greek isle.” There are way more gay females than people that live in Lesbos, so this is specially vexing in my opinion.
4. 
   Gay and queer are fun words.
   
   I actually do love stating the phrase “queer” in addition to describing myself personally as “gay AF.” Queer normally a case of reclaiming a word from homophobes, which is usually amazing. It virtually suggests something thatis only only a little uncommon, in fact it is ideal for me personally, and homosexual merely means happy. The reason why would not i do want to be gay? We must be very happy. Basically need pick a label, I’m going to say that
   I’m gay
   . Respect the delighted.
5. 
   I don’t suit the lesbian label.
   
   I think about me part of the LGBTQ+ area, while the best part in regards to the neighborhood is everybody else from every walk of existence should really be pleasant so long as they may be accepting. Nevertheless when I think to be a “lesbian,” personally i think like absolutely this mythical society ones that I do not very fit into. Many this is certainly pretty old-school, but right now there are a lot of supposed “must haves” for lesbians, as you have to be aggressive, wear flannel, and pay attention to Tegan and Sara. I actually do none of those things. Since “lesbian” as a term seems very stereotyping in range, I believe like if I use it, i need to
   conform to stereotypes
   … and that I you shouldn’t.
6. 
   I’m not femme or butch.
   
   In conjunction with perhaps not complying to lesbian stereotypes, I also don’t feel like we get into a category. Many people whom identify as lesbians refer to by themselves as “butch” or “femme.” Privately, personally i think this beats the reason. I’m not gay thus I can imitate a heterosexual few but every single unique. Regardless, I’m not actually overly masculine or very feminine. I enjoy wear gowns, but We
   almost never wear makeup
   or precious jewelry. My locks are extended but often i love to use men’s clothes. We defy these classes, which is like defying getting a lesbian typically.
7. 
   My sex does not define me personally.
   
   My personal primary beef using phase “lesbian” is that if you determine as one, you need to state “i am
   
   a
   
   lesbian.” Should you decide say you are gay, you can easily say “I’m homosexual.” Linguistics are important in my opinion because language reflects personal prices. When anyone use the term “gay,” it’s a descriptor. When individuals make use of the phase “lesbian,” it’s an identifier. Being homosexual belongs to my identity, but it’s hardly all I am. It is simply one aspect, thus you should not boil me down to merely “a lesbian.”
8. 
   I don’t wanna exclude non-binary or asexual men and women.
   
   Getting a lesbian appears to have a rigorous description: a woman who is sexually keen on various other women. Exactly what if you’re a lady with an individual who’s non-binary? They’re not a woman, regardless of if they aren’t men, so the phase “lesbian” feels incorrect. And
   if you are asexual, you still might have romantic emotions
   , and perhaps you have got intimate emotions for another woman. Can a “lesbian” not be intimately attracted to ladies? It doesn’t matter in my opinion if someone else’s ace, non-binary, trans, or whatever they determine because, but utilising the phrase “lesbian” to describe my self feels like I then need to omit people that don’t possess a “conventional” sex or sex.
9. 
   I’m not porn.
   
   Lesbian is really a typical search phrase in porno.
   That you do not hear men and women speaking about “gay porno” that identifies females having sex. The reason being “gay pornography” is aimed at gay males and features guys having sex together. But “lesbian porno,” which features females having sexual intercourse together, aims at directly males. Because i understand this, i’m fetishized whenever i am labeled as a lesbian, even if that’s not the purpose. I recently are unable to divorce the fetishization of queer ladies through the phase. Moreover it reminds me of most sorts of crappy situations in society and just how usually homosexual people are fetishized, very don’t give me a call a lesbian.